Coping

Coping

A “Quantum Moment” arrives in your life. One door shuts and another opens. Now all you have to do is embrace the change and move on with your life, hopefully a better and more enlightened person.

Often, however, the ‘moving on’ part is more easily said than done, particularly if the transition you are now facing results in loss of role, a key person in your life, a place you’ve held dear, or your sense of where you fit in the world. Not all of this need be ‘bad’; the changes could just as well be positive, for instance, changing homes, a new family member, a vacation, marriage or new partner, or even a new job. Yet any one of them is a disruptive change and a few of them together could be felt as catastrophic.

In New Thought, we’ve learned that if we can change our thinking we can change our lives. Perhaps it was even this change of thinking that got us into this arena of Quantum Change for ourselves.

So what do we do? Here are seven things you can do to help you cope with or even move beyond a significant change in your life.

1. Accept that change is a normal part of life and that long-term stability is an illusion. Expect to feel uncomfortable from time to time in your life. What is stable for us are our core goals and values. Thus, taking time to understand the ‘inner you’ will be time well spent in coping with change. One quote from a CPL card said, “Change is never a loss, it is only change.”

2. Focus on the benefits of the transition you are in the process of making. Too easily the negatives or losses in a change distract us – even a change that we started to make that initially had nothing but positive attributes. While it’s good to acknowledge what you’re leaving behind, reground yourself in the ‘good stuff.’

3. Acknowledge your emotions. Express your feelings, both to yourself and to your friends. Take a deep breath. Don’t expect to rush through the change process unscathed. Take time to adjust to the changes as you go. Give yourself permission to feel peculiar as you find new ways to do things or find new friends. Reflect on things and, yes, even meditate. Many people find that journaling or blogging helps in the expression process. As you express, you’ll find that the fears and negative thoughts will have less power over you.

4. Pamper yourself. Reward your positive behavior in this change process. Do something fun and openly tell yourself that this is my reward for making this change. Pat yourself on the back.

5. Allow yourself to grieve for your previous life. Grief is part of change. The stages have been identified as denial, anger, exploration and acceptance. Armed with this knowledge allow yourself time to go through the stages and end in healthy acceptance of the end result.

6. Network. Find family and friends that will help you through your transition, particularly those that will accept you as you are and not make judgments about your past or future life. Don’t be afraid to ask for help as you leave the ‘old’ behind and move forward. Some of these people may even be able to assist you in the transition.

7. Stay healthy. Change produces stress, and stress often produces unhealthy physiological changes in our bodies. One classic study found that as changes piled up on a person, the likelihood they would contact a major illness rose exponentially. For this reason, study and implement all the good ‘stress reduction’ techniques you can think of, particularly exercise, eating sensibly, allowing time for adequate sleep, and avoiding alcohol or drugs to help you cope.

You may be able to think of a few more, and there are certainly a number of steps to take to help you that cut across some of these suggestions, for instance, journaling or an elaborate array of stress reduction techniques. Many people find that a creative outlet such as painting or crafts can be a helpful adjunct to a personal change.

This newsletter is to stimulate your spiritual thinking in the hope that it will contribute to your spiritual growth. The essays are not meant to be complete treatises on the subject, only short papers to stimulate your thinking. The author invites your comments and critiques by reply e-mail to bob@futuremoons.com.