Letting Go

Letting Go

“Let Go!” In one way or another, those words have been told us as a way to relieve the anxiety, stress, depression, trauma, sorrow or pain we felt over some event in our lives, something we did or perhaps at the hand of some other person. Yet, how does one ‘Let Go’ when we seem so invaded or violated by the offender or event? ‘Let Go!” is easy to say and often hard to do. We have various other expressions as well: “Kick it to the curb,” “Get over it,” “Chill,” “Release,” and “This too shall pass.”

Certainly, most counselors, psychiatrists, clerics or even mystics would advise us to ‘Let Go’ as part of their advice or teaching. Many of us give the same advice to ourselves (it’s cheaper), yet we fail in the practice. I also think Letting Go is hardest if you’re still living in the situation you’d just as well have behind you.

Here are ten things to try that I’ve pieced together to try in Letting Go – a basic ‘How To’ list.

1. Articulate exactly what it is that you need to ‘Let Go’ of. Move beyond a general ill-at ease feeling or hard to identify unwanted emotion, and specifically list what it is you want to get rid of. Write it down in as much detail as you feel comfortable with and then burn the list in an elaborate a ceremony – a ritual - you create as a symbol of how you voluntarily and consciously choose to no longer allow these thoughts to ‘touch’ your soul. When these thoughts arise again, you can tell them ‘I burned you; you can’t bother me anymore. I’ve ‘Let Go.’

2. Understand that forgiveness plays a major role in your moving on. Forgive others; forgive yourself. Honor the memories but forgive the transgressions. A few authors suggest talking to the party that aggrieved you; personally, I’d rather forgive without doing that, expecting nothing other than my own good feelings from my explicit act. The words you expect from some other party are unlikely to ever be said in the way you’d hope.

3. Control your thoughts. I don’t mean embracing repression or denial, but rather not allowing negative thoughts to dominate your mind. How to get rid of those? Replace them with something better! Change you emotional response to your own thoughts about the pain. One way is to teach yourself a different emotional response when the thought you don’t want appears; for instance, instead of becoming depressed, respond with laughter – initially forced but later becoming more naturally. Another way is to decide to accept the emotion as it comes, acknowledging it and then intentionally setting it aside in favor of a better thought. A third option is to wallow deeply in the emotion that so bothers you, ensuring that you understand the links between event, person or pain and that emotion; armed with that understanding you’ll be better able to set it aside.

4. The process of letting go is a change and thus involves going through the grief process. You can become comfortable to dwelling on the hurt or pains of some situation, doing what several spiritual authors have called “Awfulizing” or speaking “Woundology”. A scab can be fun to pick at, but if you do it prevents healing. Instead, say, ‘I will not harbor any unhealthy thoughts.’ Give yourself permission to feel good and then follow through.

5. Appreciate that the perfection you desire is probably an illusion, particularly in relationships. Imperfect people are unlikely to create a perfect relationship. Let go of blame. Accept the imperfections and look beyond them to the joyful traits and things the relationship brings you. Open your heart and give love freely.

6. List the strengths you gained from the experience you’re trying to Let Go of. Understand that the pains and grievances of your past that you have thought about, no longer give you anything new to grow from. They’ve ceased to be learning experiences. Ergo, they deserve to fade away, you having already benefited and grown from whatever they provided.

7. Find a supportive friend and allow them to help you shift your focus to new and more upbeat thoughts. At one point when I ‘Let Go’ of an addiction, my partner often reminded me how good things would be when I’d completed the process.

8. Give to others. Your gift of love to someone else lifts you from the doldrums of an experience you’d like to forget. As you do your “gift of service”, affirm that you are leaving that unhealthy experience behind you in favor of a loving act.

9. Keep it healthy. Don’t allow a dysfunctional response to the things that haunt you. By dysfunctional I mean overuse of drugs, alcohol, or other indulgences that in some way help you temporarily forget. Seek professional help if you can’t seem to ‘move on’ to new ground.

10. Take a heavy dose of ‘mindfulness’. Get below the surface of your emotional ocean where the weather is ever changing and ‘winds and waves’ are a challenge; it’s calmer the deeper you go. Meditate; feel the inner-strength you need to ‘Let Go’ rising within you as you tune-in to that deeper calmness and unity with the Universe.

Namasté everyone!

This newsletter is to stimulate your spiritual thinking in the hope that it will contribute to your spiritual growth. The essays are not meant to be complete treatises on the subject, only short papers to stimulate your thinking. The author invites your comments and critiques by reply e-mail to bob@futuremoons.com.